I am afraid to fly.
It wasn’t always that way with me. I think it started when the kids were small and we had a bad flight home once. I couldn’t spend the year we traveled, terrified, gripping my seat on every flight, not eating, not sleeping, not ever getting out of my seat. I had heard that Ativan, or Valium, worked. I am not a fan of pills, I have a hard time even taking vitamins, but Ativan is small, melts under your tongue, and more importantly it will get me on the plane.
I had to work out a system. Timing was everything when it came to taking them. I realized that the terror began as soon as I got to the airport and ended once we had landed on the other end and I could kiss the ground. This meant I had to take the pill in the airport as it needed about 30 minutes to kick in. This way I could get through the takeoff. But if the flight was long, then I realized that I would need another and that meant getting out of my seat (not happening), and sometimes I realized that oh crap the pills were in my backpack in the belly of the plane.
I needed to be more prepared, the system had to be tweaked. We were taking our next long flight and I had come up with what I thought was a very clever plan. I had worked out that I would need 2 pills, one that I would take in the airport and one mid-flight. I had the second one safely in my pocket and I took the first one in the waiting area. Once afloat, er in the air, I decided to have a gin&tonic to celebrate that we were on our way to another fabulous country. I felt great, calm, cool as a cucumber I was.
At the appointed hour I took the 2nd pill. Then I guess I decided to drink more gin&tonic. This is where things get a little foggy to me. The kids look over at me and then turn to their father and ask, ‘What is wrong with Mom?’ Dwayne looks over at his wife to see her glazed and practically drooling, like a toothless terrier on, well, Valium. I could not form a sentence apparently. Dwayne was not impressed. We are about to land in another foreign country and go through customs and security and he had the village idiot with him.
How we got through, I have no idea. No really, I don’t, but we made it through and my recollection begins again with me waking up in our friend’s guestroom feeling wonderful.
I am still to this day subjected to the ‘you never mix pills and booze’ lecture, one I know I should have known. But you know what? It was the best flight ever. I am just sayin’.
Prince Valium