I have been terribly remiss. I have procrastinated, and yes, I have been putting off my writing and I feel I owe an explanation.
By now most of you know that we have returned to Canada. The last few months have consisted of moving into a new home in a new neighbourhood and dragging myself back to an old job. I have tried to figure out what has held me back from writing and I guess, to be honest, I do not know exactly how I feel about being home.
Happy Hour in the new home
Canada is beautiful, clean, quiet, and sparsely populated compared to the countries we have visited. I was ready to come home when we did. It is just that home seems…subdued. Like being in an old movie where the colours have faded. I feel out of sync, and I keep looking to see if there are Langoliers nipping at my heels. I walked off the plane and fell into step with my old life as if I had never left.
But here is the thing, I don’t feel the same. I don’t ’see’ the same. I feel it is so obvious to me how I have changed that is should be discernible to all. I have to resist telling strangers, ‘Hey, I just came back for traveling for almost a year!’ But it is a good thing I don’t because the ‘new’ me doesn’t want to be known as the ‘crazy’ me. The space that closed when I left, opened easily to receive me again when I returned.
I am happy to be home but yet grieve the end of our adventures abroad. Being back with family, friends, and the family dog have made the transition easier. And yet at odd times, a scent, or song, or photo will almost bring me to my knees with longing. I have become a traveler and being a traveler has made me a better person.
Cash
I have been asked what my favorite part of the ‘project’ was. My answer: Experiencing it all with the people I love most and seeing how that experience has reshaped our lives.
I have missed writing the last few months and if you will still have me, I still have plenty to say.
Victoria from Mt Douglas
July 4th, 2010 - 2:14 pm
Welcome back. We’ve missed you. You made me misty eyed but, like you, that’s not hard to do these days. I am lucky to share coming home with someone like you who knows exactly how I am feeling without me having to tell you. Thank you.
July 4th, 2010 - 8:40 pm
I guess we are all in the same situation!
July 5th, 2010 - 4:18 pm
Glad you are back. You were missed. I look forward to your next ‘project’, whatever it may be or wherever it may take you.
July 6th, 2010 - 2:15 am
Ha! you are back in the Matrix – where everything is easy and familiar, but forever tainted by the fact that now you know none of it is really “real”. Have you considered getting a black leather catsuit and/or trenchcoat and dark sunglasses?
We’ve been back for a year now, and these feelings you speak of have not gone away. We’ve been able to occasionally ease the longing (if only temporarily) by acting like tourists in our home city & state, and it helps that we’ve completely changed our lifestyle since returning. But let’s face it – there’s really only one cure for this, and there’s still a whole lot of world to see!
I look forward to hearing all you have to say – heck, I just discovered your blog, so it’s all new to me! And yet strangely familiar….